we show up to gigs a half hour late, high and drunk as hell, play off key and too loud, and usually end up sleeping on the stage. we sacrifice ferrets to our god, Sammy Hagar, and make clothes out of jumpropes and electrical tape.

one time we were playing in moline, and right before the gig, we had a robotussin-chugging contest. it was fun, but during the show, we all got diarrhea real bad and y'know, you can't just stop playing. so we all (pretty much simultaneously pooped our pants and it smelled like cough syrup. at that point, everyone left the bar. even the staff. we drank free pabst all night!

our old drummer, the real elian gonzales, went into a coma during a practice, so now we have a rehabilitated zebra dealer on the 1's & 2's, plus our trained baby horn section. also, the voice of robert evans will be joining us for a few numbers each show!

see us live, and if you're actually planning to stay for a few minutes, be sure to bring some lysol, a staple remover, waterproof jewlry, and lots and lots of ketchup!